thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
