My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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