This is not my ceiling
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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