Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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