Nicole vs. Life
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
