you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
