i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
