Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
