either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
