I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
