Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
