I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
