his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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