My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
