I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
