Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So vagazzling was a success
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
