hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
