There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize