It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
