yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
