she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
