i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
