I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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