I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize