our cab driver is having phone sex.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
