if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
