Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I CAN MOONWALK!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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