I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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