the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
