Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
