and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
