god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
