i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
