sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
