Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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