I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
