the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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