If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
