They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize