I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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