Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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