he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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