Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
