How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
