He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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