Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
