i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
