I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
