This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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