sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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