Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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