guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
