8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
