All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
time to smoke my breakfast
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize