I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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