sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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