i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
