return my video game
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
