he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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