Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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