Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
