he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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