I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
