Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize