Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
