your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
