She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
